Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sextant St. Sextant's Mood-Setting Real Estate...

This utterance of delight is brought to you by Sextant St. Sextant's Mood-Setting Real Estate. Are you a soul-searching poet of somber disposition looking for a location necessary to morbid reflection? Are you a stoic professor of criminology in need of a home ripe with the ptential for intriguing calamity? We have the location for you! Skeletal tree on a mist-shrouded hill? We got it! Rickety shutters that clutter in a baleful wind? There they are! The hounds? You can't stop us from loosing them! From creaking floorboards to inaccessible attics, every property is guaranteed to amuse, inspre and forebode. Sextant St. Sextant's Mood-Setting Real Estate. There's a foog on the mooorrrs! And it could be yours!

And! Uncle Howard will be drinking, Auntie Maude will be shrieking & two score of ill-bred children will be squirming underfoot. Yes, soon the holidays will arrive and with them will come your relations, somehow detached from the manners that you were naturally graced with by God. So why not act early and order, rush delivery, the Yuletide Edition of Lady Haversham's Behavior-Correcting Phrenology Hammer. Why, even the sight of you, with a glass of gin in one hand and ten pounds of polite reminder of civil discourse in the other will stifle all but the most obstinate of cousins. Lady Haversham's Behavior-Correcting Phrenology Hammer! Also, for use with chestnuts!

As Always, the Clockwork Cabaret hangs its stockings by the chimney with care, in the hopes that St. Nick would soon be WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. Boy, those sugarplum fairies are fat as hell!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Potomus Farms' Self-Delivery Whirlybird...

This showcade of interest is brought to you by Potomus Farms' Self-Delivery Whirlybird. The holiday season is a sressful and maddening time for even the most matronly of homemakers, so this Christmas time, why not let Potomus Farms prepare and deliver you a delicious autonomously delivered fowl of your choosing. Simply clear a ten foot landing area on your dining surface, prepare an impact cushion of stuffing, then using the signal whistle received in the post, tweetle out of your open window. A high pitched screech and mildly explosive collision will let you know your carefully prepared, hopefully deceased Yuletide repast has arrived. What could be more convenient!?! Potomus Farms' Self-Delivery Whirlybird. LOOK OUT! Here it comes!

And! Ephraim Shroud's Mystery Jars of Formaldehyde & Various Fiddly Organ Bits. Put them in your laboratory with some tasteful back-lighting, and you tell the world that you're not going to let unmedicated psychosis get in the way of electrocuting things in the name of science. Ephraim Shroud's Mystery Jars of Formaldehyde & Various Fiddly Organ Bits. Ask for them, if you can remember all that, by name!

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret tramples an indecisive housewife at the shops to get their grubby mitts on the perfect WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. the gift that's great for the man who has everything except a sense of propriety.