Monday, March 29, 2010

Moongoat Constellation Tibetan Buddhist Kale Barn...

This is the WCOM Community Radio Bulletin Board bringing you the happenings and doings from across Carrboro and Chapel Hill.

The Moongoat Constellation Tibetan Buddhist Kale Barn will be hosting a seminar on raising a child with three parents; you, your long-term domestic partner and your guru. Topics will include homogeneous diapers, therapeutic sing-screaming for toddlers, and the proper care and grooming of your live-in spiritual advisor. For more information, contact Tai-Chi/Capoeira hybrid artist, Bruce Thomas, on the lawn of the Weaver Street Cooperative Market pretty much all of the time. He cries at birds... It's beautiful.

Also, the Happy Valley Holistic Veterinary Hospice would like to remind Mary Wolsten to come pick up her puppy. When we said he went to a better place, we just meant he went out to use our organic wheat-grass dog lavatory poop patch... Our bad.

Spira Pilates Studio would like to remind its patrons that it is a Pilates studio and not a BDSM dungeon, so please stop calling, Ducky. Five times is enough and we really have to stop.

Don't forget to tune in next Saturday at 4:30 for our new noize show called (MAKE FUNNY NOISE) at 4:30, remember, this Saturday. You'll hear the next Beatles on there. Really provoking after 45 minutes.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret plays the best selection of feel good, awesome fuzzy music on WCOM LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro, except when we don't. Because it's okay to be different. Even if you're music. Think about it. C'mon. Yes.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Quality Face Weights...

This whimsical conceit is brought to you by Quality Face Weights. As you, the well-heeled gentleman, knows a perfectly constructed mug full of acceptably groomed facial hair, properly buttressed with pomades and load-bearing salves can weigh in excess of thirty to forty pounds. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. Without a good foundation, this socially complete profile coiffure will lead to drop jowls, flop chin, flibbity lips and the perma-frowns. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. Quality Face Weights fit into you convenient face-holes and once you follow the comprehensive exercise instructions contained in the package sack, you will develop a steel web of muscles that may threaten to accidentally crush your own skull, but will definitely support a mighty Van Dyke, actually capable of holding back tides. As an added bonus, your labial trough will be able to crack walnuts, providing you with the quick burst of energy necessary to sport chin whiskers that could double as as pigeon roost. Quality Face Weights, the only answer for a ridiculous mustache.

AND! The Little Hopmister Valley in the Green Down Past the Red House Where that Old Man Used to Live Community Theater Company and Catering presents the all-children production of Madame Butterfly, debuting this Thursday in your nightmares.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret is the sole survivor of the wreck of the Edmund Fitz WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro, and God rest the souls of all those other radio shows that drowned that terrible day.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

GIANT FLOATING HEAD...

This hunk-a chunk-a monkey fun is brought to you by GIANT FLOATING HEAD. Delivered by means of ultra-effective spiritual seance, GIANT FLOATING HEAD is the answer to all prayers, pleadings, cries and curses. Future loves, impending fortunes, the date of your death, the date of your orphan birth, the number of children you'll have, the number of the apartment you lost, dead relatives, apathetic relatives, dead apathetic relatives; GIANT FLOATING HEAD delivers ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ACCURATE revelations directly into the space behind your eyeballs. THE ANSWER SPACE. GIANT FLOATING HEAD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AND! Make friends with pudding. Pudding, the friend maker.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret sends a long, mournful call down valley and dell to call in the flocks of Highland WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. Do you know why that goatherd is lonely? Goat smell.