Leon Tangybosh's Every-Butter!

This delectable drop-forged delight is brought to you by Leon Tangybosh's Every-Butter! Brewed according to terrifying laboratory specifications, Leon Tangybosh's Every-Butter can be used in any instance where one thing can be vastly improved by smearing something else on it. Employ it as a bread-topping, industrial lubricant, suntan lotion, or baby formula. Use it to cheat at baseball, cheat on your taxes, cheat on your spouse or cheat death, or subsequently hasten it. Leon Tangybosh's Every-Butter: it's apparently helpful!

And! Gentlemen, do you have a love of broccoli bordering on the indecent, but simply can't stand the indignity of the rear-blowing winds that dominate the forecast for your bottom's weather afterward? Has no amount of pants-layering been able to muffle the company-dispersing uproar? Perhaps, instead of silencing your body's unbearable naturalness, you should disguise it with a jaunty tune! Colonel Walleye's Piccolo Pants to the rescue! Yes, beans will truly become the musical fruit when your nether breath passes through a hardly bulging apparatus to produce a merry brief and apparently random jig. Colonel Walleye's Piccolo Pants: they'll know you farted but at least they'll dance to it!

As always, The Clockwork Cabaret races through the fog-shrouded alleys of Whitechapel with a pack of hounds in hot pursuit of the killer who would be called WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro, fresh after a spate of saucy, threatening letter writing about watering regulations. THEY'LL RUE THE DAY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!