Cloister Sisters' Doilies For Any Occasion

This perfidious poundcake is brought to you by the Cloister Sisters' Doilies For Any Occasion. The world is a terrible wasteland pockmarked with the hideous and insane; aesthetic nightmares that can only be saved by a lacy disc of dainty fabric. Yes, any horrible sight can be put out of mind with the proper 'Doily for any Occasion'. Pug faced child? Cover his shame. Pile of dog business? Make that business a classy affair! Cast off meat processing facility? Yes, we make a doily that big, and there's even holes for the sulphur jets. The Cloister Sisters' Doilies For Any Occasion. What are they even for, anyway!?!

And! Remember now, in the densely humid days of this, our moist summer season, who truly has been making it impossible for you to breath for, well, over a century? Dr. Feelgood's Tubercular Confectionary. Ask for it, from the family gathered around your sickbed, by name.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret forgot the one word, the important word, the utterance of power that would have forever sealed the ancient perversity of WCOM LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. Now, let radio cooking shows & outdoor festival news be your DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Mystery Box

This canker tank doodlie bop is brought to you by MYSTERY BOX. A lacquered crate covered in runes, held together with brass nails and terrible suspense! What is the MYSTERY BOX? Was it delivered from the Orient? Found in the Mojave? Bought at a yard sale? What does it contain? Festive scorpions? Tickle midgetts? MOTHER!?! What is the price? Dollars? Pounds? Sheckels? Anguish? PUPPIES? Gaze now into the MYSTERY BOX! MYSTERY BOX! BOX! BOX! BOX! BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX!

And! As a childless spinster inexplicably put in charge of other people's progeny, you find it difficult to take time out, of suppressing your human emotions and staring disapprovingly, to replenish your nanny supplies. Do not worry! Request now, yes, your catalog from the Au Pair Emporium! Inside you will find shapeless black dresses in sizes rail thin & jigglingly obese, black leather medical satchels (for some damn reason), the Widowmaker's Guide to Hair Bun Construction and, in a pinch, the hefty catalog itself can be used as a child discipline tool. The Au Pair Emporium! It's something to do, besides look after the welfare of a child.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret is always the carpenter on the trail to WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. You died... of FUN! ... and a snakebite.