And! Is your family looking for a unique vacation getaway? Are you a hardened criminal with no chance of rehabilitation? France's Ministry of Tourism & Board of Corrections invites you to Devil's Island! A beautiful Caribbean retreat now featuring monthly baths, free malaria and daily beatings for invigoration of the humors. Devil's Island - YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE.
As always. the Clockwork Cabaret is blasted at you out of the audio-cannon by WCOM-LP, Chapel Hill & Carrboro, of 103.5 FM, the only frequency that keeps the Martian invaders at bay. Take that, you squishy scallywags!
Now if you'll excuse me ladies, I've got to go rent some draft horses and a cart, so I can get this week's profits exchanged for giant Lapland coins. I've got a great stock tip on reindeer bellies to capitalize on.