Whale Balm...

This modern marvel is brought to you by Whale Balm. Swimming through the salty brine and accumulating barnacles can seriously impair your cetacean's moisturizing regiment, so why not order a 50,000 gallon tub of Whale Balm. Massage it in flippers and brush it into balleen, and your whale will .. in delight. WHALE BALM! Not to be confused with Whale Bomb.

And! The Extrapolated Etherized Positronic Fully Articulated Piston-Powered Lightly Powdered Expertly Routed Prim Proper Wang Dang Doodle Whiz Bang Whatzit. What does it do? Who cares! Simply speak the name aloud and you are 100% guaranteed to generate a smattering of light applause. The Extrapolated Etherized Positronic Fully Articulated Piston-Powered Lightly Powdered Expertly Routed Prim Proper Wang Dang Doodle Whiz Bang Whatzit! Please, do not ask for it by name.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret finds itself spiraling away from a connection with stark reality and can only find solace at the bottom of a bottle of WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro.