Thumbknuckle's Institute of Punching

This modular kerfuffle is brought to you by Thumbknuckle's Institute of Punching. Punching is no longer for the objects of your well-reasoned aggression. While Thumbknuckle's will still gladly assault strangers on a whim but often times what one finds is that a self-inflicted knock to the noggin is necessary to rebuke your own regretful behavior. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS! Let our fist technicians learn you good the next time you lock your parasol inside your ornithopter, forget which powder goes in what chemical or neglect to call your surgically created chimp-man-zee on her birthday. We will go anywhere, use any means, sink to any low to helpfully punch you in the face for being stupid. Thumbknuckle's Institute of Punching: the leaders in hitting dudes.

As always, the Clockwork Cabaret disapproves of the style of your attire & sincerely hopes you are inappropriately courted by a pack of WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro. Incidentally, we did in fact promise you a rose garden. Terribly sorry.

Lord Evans' Famed Drop Bear Launchers

Do you feel a need to deliver terrifying yet adorable death at a distance? Do you mourn the lack of weapons that fire deadly animals? If so then pick up Lord Evans' Dropbear Cannon today.

Dropbears are the carnivorous cousins of the gentle Koalas who infest the Invisible Ham. When exposed to the scent of blood these small bears turn into small balls of fur and death. The drop bear launcher safely contains these dangerous animals, and with a clockwork powered catapult engine will propel these small deadly creatures directly into your enemies.Terrify your enemies, acquaintances and social workers with Lord Evans' drop bear cannon! Make your guest stare in awe at your terrifying masculinity, as you hold our enormous cannon and drive away pesky foes with nature's perfect weapon, the drop bear.

Lord Evans' is not responsible for any injuries that may be suffered while loading the patented drop bear cannon.
Extreme caution is advised when handling. In the case of a misfire, please contact our specialised maintenance crews with your loud terrified screams.

Ask for it by name at your local gun range
Buy now and receive an extra cage of drop bears

Submitted by Pat Evans of Australia