This crunchy what-not is brought to you by Low-Powered Utility Pistols. The Gun. A powerful expression of thinly veiled masculine symbolism that kills dudes. Its capacity for non-death purposes, however, is lacking, leaving many situations without the loud, violent emphasis they sorely need. Enter our Low-Powered Utility Pistols. Use it for pointing at interesting birds, indicating which cough syrup you'd like to purchase, tell a stranger how to get to the train station and point at hiding children. A small indicatory pellet will tink elegntly against the object, person or event in which you are interested. How do we distinguish ourselves from the layman's pellet gun? Ours feature an authentically manly explosion and a room filling cloud of sulpherous smoke. Low-Powered Utility Pistol. I want the pink one! BANG!
And! Suffering from a hideous tooth abcess, you wander into the sculpture garden when, out of a concrete vase, you receive to the face the full impact of a comprehensive dental exam! Yes! It's the Honeycutt Office of Surprise Dentistry! Why sit in dread of an appointment weeks away when you can just unexpectedly get it over with? Simply leave your information and a rough schedule of your comings and goings with us, and our oral detectives will monitor you constantly, always on guard for the first sign of mouth troubles. When the time is right, we will medically strike and the hopefully anesthetic trauma you will receive will remove not only your sense of security but the corn chip from your molar. The Honeycutt Office of Surprise Dentistry. Now spit.
As always, the Clockwork Cabaret is going to bed without supper for pulling the pigtails on WCOM-LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro, which is just as well, because we forgot to buy food for it, anyway.
