Lady Winchester's Fully Articulated Bustles...

Tonight's carnival of sonic delights is brought to you by Lady Winchester's Fully Articulated Bustles. Perfect for today's athletically minded woman, Lady Winchester's Fully Articulated Bustles come with a series of pulleys and lever, powered by a state-of-the-art two stroke motor. This Spring's models are completely seaworthy and ideal for this year's yachting season.

And! Is your family looking for a unique vacation getaway? Are you a hardened criminal with no chance of rehabilitation? France's Ministry of Tourism & Board of Corrections invites you to Devil's Island! A beautiful Caribbean retreat now featuring monthly baths, free malaria and daily beatings for invigoration of the humors. Devil's Island - YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE.

As always. the Clockwork Cabaret is blasted at you out of the audio-cannon by WCOM-LP, Chapel Hill & Carrboro, of 103.5 FM, the only frequency that keeps the Martian invaders at bay. Take that, you squishy scallywags!

Now if you'll excuse me ladies, I've got to go rent some draft horses and a cart, so I can get this week's profits exchanged for giant Lapland coins. I've got a great stock tip on reindeer bellies to capitalize on.