This calamitous carbuncle is brought to you by the Discount Orphan Emporium. Labor costs and moral standards prevent your business from achieving maximum profitability, so why not take a bushel of our social burdens and armed bucket of soggy burden, keep your coal dust factory operating around the clock. These wards of the state lost the public's sympathy with their parents so ethical workplaces fly out the window and huge sacks of filthy lucre fly right back in! Discount Orphan Emporium - sorry, we're all out of radio show hosts.
And! DO NOT! be swayed by tempting offers of contracting the Noro virus this season. Stick with the nausea you know. Dr. Feelgood's Tubercular Confectionary. Ask for it, through flecks of blood tinged spittle, by name.
As always, the Clockwork Cabaret cracks open tomes of dusty lore and discovers eldritch lore that tears the very fabric of WCOM LP Chapel Hill & Carrboro, and now that we've done that, we'll have to find another way to let the rain out. Seriously though, this is why you shouldn't read.