Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Slash & Sew Sail Slicer

Here’s one for all you boat-hungry buccaneers that think that a sword through a sail is the only way to board a ship. Tired of dramatically descending the length of a mainsail only to discover you don’t have a spare? If so, Professor Skyhatch has the solution in the form of the Slash and Sew Sail Slicer. This contemporary cutlass will combine your care-free principals of piracy with much needed precision repair. Simply thrust the blade through canvas and throw yourself towards the deck as per usual. The Slash and Sew Sail Slicer will automatically re-stitch your trail through the fabric and ensure that your stolen vessel is still worth stealing. The Slash and Sew Sail Slicer, thread and spindle sold separately.

And, Edward Brassbuckle, cartographer extraordinaire, invites you to the race of races, the chase of chases, the most daring derby ever witnessed. Winner takes all in this glamorous competition and prospective participants need only pay a petty entrance fee to join the ranks of revelling racers. Simply be the first to cross the Dread Swamp and your name will go down in sporting history. The method of motion is completely at your discretion. Your chosen contraption can hop, plop, stride, stream, spin or saunter. Only actual flight, slave power and time travel are prohibited. Don’t delay! Notify your loved ones, update your Will and join today!

submitted by Simon Fiddlefield