Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Abraham Candlewick's Professional Dog Wax

This bubblegum knick-knack is brought to you by Abraham Candlewick's Professional Dog Wax. You know dogs... capable companions, loyal friends, unwanted kissers. But, would anyone confuse them for a contributing member of society? No, because they are dumb, old dogs, you silly pants. What to do, then, when you are absolutely certain they would do smashingly at Petunia's Debutante Ball? DOG WAX TO THE RESCUE! Handlbar hound dogs, poodle pompadours, afghan wigs, pug perms, and beagle beehives! Abraham Candlewick's Professional Dog Wax will render your dog high class & hopelessly confused! Abraham Candlewick's Professional Dog Wax! Now introducing the Lord & Lady Ba-adorable!

And! Explosions! The perfect way to end an awkward pause, startle suspected burglars, liven up a baptismal, end run-on sentences, tickle the underside of BOOM!

As always, The Clockwork Cabaret, after years of hard drinking & consorting with loose women, returns like the prodigal WCOM-LP FM Chapel Hill & Carrboro, then claims it forgot its jacket and quickly leaves again.